Jokes

Forest Gump remix: we got gasoline shrimp, diesel shrimp, tarball shrimp… — Peter Prins

i hate my parents until they give me money then i love them. i treat god the same way, i suck — Peter Prins

perhaps Ninja’s make iPhones much like Keebler Elves make Cookies — Peter Prins

1 out of 5 dentists hate the other four — Peter Prins

America has Labor Day but North Korea has Forced Labor Day — Peter Prins

america loves straitjacket escapes and talent shows i say we combine them into a show called America’s Got Crazies — Peter Prins

change is inevitable especially when you buy something for $1.29 with a five dollar bill — Peter Prins

Come to the dark side… what if Luke Skywalker said “ok dad I’ll check it out but if I don’t like it I’m going back to artschool” — Peter Prins

comedians kill and bomb there is no other way — Peter Prins

Do you think Atheists go to TGI Fridays? — Peter Prins

Facebook sounds like a great name for a book of faces stolen by Hannibal Lechter — Peter Prins

I always say Hey Jack and never say Hi Jack especially at Airports — Peter Prins

I don’t mean to sound like a nut but I think the world is secretly run by paranoid schizophrenics with conspiracy theories — Peter Prins

I grew up in a single story home which is why I spent a lot of time at the library — Peter Prins

i have a large forehead not only am i intelligent i’m also great at headbutting — Peter Prins

I just took the “What dead friend would you eat first if you were in a plane crash in the Andes Mountains” Facebook quiz and I know that we barely know each other but I would so eat you — Peter Prins

I like drinking it helps me stand the sight of some people — Peter Prins

i like to keep an eye on facebook… good thing i have a spare otherwise people would think i’m weird walking around with only one eye — Peter Prins

I saw a billboard that said Guess with a girl laying down looking sexy wearing hardly any clothes. It should have said Guess How Much… — Peter Prins

I used to be in a band called Blink 181 we almost made it we were so close — Peter Prins

I was in line when a guy in front of me turned to look back and said “I like normal people like you” so I said “the ufo’s are coming for us” — Peter Prins

I was playing funky music and just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted turn that funky music down boy — Peter Prins

I wonder if the Chinese symbols on the can of Arizona Green Tea are there legally and can show me their birth certificate — Peter Prins

i wonder if the Chinese Symbols on the can of Arizona Green Tea are there legally and can show me their birth certificate — Peter Prins

I wonder if the ghosts of celebrities mingle with regular folk ghosts or if they have to hide from the Spookarazzi — Peter Prins

i wonder what slugs say when they feel sluggish — Peter Prins

I’m a pirate hippie we believe in free love with buxom saucy wenches yarrr! — Peter Prins

I’m fifty percent Swedish Viking and you know what they say when you go fifty percent Swedish Viking you’re gonna buy half your furniture at Ikea — Peter Prins

I’m going places so what if they’re in a five mile radius they’re still places — Peter Prins

i’m going to open a coffee-shop for regular folks and call it UnknownBucks — Peter Prins

I’m Holidayish I believe in Holidays — Peter Prins

I’m jealous of people with cool initials because mine are P.P. — Peter Prins

I’m on the I can’t afford to buy food diet it’s like that other one but without the lemonade — Peter Prins

i’m smart enough to realize i don’t know everything and dumb enough to believe one day i will — Peter Prins

I’m thinking of starting a new website called yourmomsfacebook.com for people into anti-social networking — Peter Prins

I’ve always wanted to be a captain of industry and make office workers walk the plank Yarrr! — Peter Prins

I’ve got a good eye and a good ear but my other eye and ear suck — Peter Prins

i’ve linked my twitter to my myspace to my facebook to my youtube now i’m just waiting for the time portal to open — Peter Prins

if i’m broke and i’m out on a date i go Dutch and if i didn’t have a car i’d take the bus and go Double Dutch — Peter Prins

If it’s the Miss Universe Contest why hasn’t an alien ever won — Peter Prins

If only I could turn water into wine then I’d be rich or drunk or both — Peter Prins

If you Miss a Girl with Big Boobies you’re Double Depressed — Peter Prins

In 2012 i’m gonna party like it’s 1999 — Peter Prins

it’s no fun being broke living on the border of Beverly Hills i’d rather be broke living where people are dirt poor like Sacramento — Peter Prins

Just got a fortune cookie that said “YOU ARE A CHARMER”. Makes sense, I know a lot of Snakes. — Peter Prins

Life was so much easier for cavemen they never had to fight the Microsoft bluescreen of death — Peter Prins

live nude squirrels — Peter Prins

Los Angeles is the land of broken car mirrors AND broken dreams — Peter Prins

My dad is from the Netherlands which totally sounds like a place from Lord of the Rings — Peter Prins

my Jennifer Lopez name is Pe Po — Peter Prins

My mom used to call me a brainbird because I was smart and did stupid things like comedy — Peter Prins

one day they will genetically engineer toilet paper out of babies — Peter Prins

People that pretend to talk on their cellphones to avoid having a real conversation are iPhoney’s — Peter Prins

People who make Barbies probably say another day, another doll hair — Peter Prins

Porn is so big in Hollywood that if they ever did a remake of an old 1950′s TV Show it would probably be called Leave It To Shaved Beaver — Peter Prins

Positive thinking coupled with reason is good, positive thinking coupled with blind naivete is bad, positive thinking coupled with bacon is a BLT — Peter Prins

social networking gives everyone an equal chance to offend strangers — Peter Prins

Some folks play with strings on their guitar but I play with guitars on my strings — Peter Prins

Some people are Singer-Songwriters but I’m a Songer/Singwriter — Peter Prins

Technically it should be called a suck job — Peter Prins

The first instrument I ever learned to impress a girl was the accordion — Peter Prins

The future’s so uncertain I got a fortune cookie with my meal today that said “You may have great wealth and prosperity this year or you may not” — Peter Prins

the male version of Hershey’s chocolate would be Hehimy’s and come with free porn about a highway — Peter Prins

the ultimate form of self love in the social networking era is to click Like on your own Facebook status — Peter Prins

The world is full of idiots who think they know everything. I know this for a fact because I know everything — Peter Prins

there is so much Heartburn in Los Angeles that CVS sells Prilosec from a locked case like a controlled substance — Peter Prins

Tiger Woods wife should have called Cheaters that would have been a great episode — Peter Prins

To err is human but to pretend it didn’t happen is more human — Peter Prins

True love is leaving some toilet paper for your other half — Peter Prins

water never expires it evaporates — Peter Prins

We may only have one life to be stupid in, might as well make the best of it — Peter Prins

we produce a thousand sperm with every heartbeat which explains dick jokes — Peter Prins

We’re going through a tough time economically but look on the bright side your enemies are probably way more screwed than you — Peter Prins

what do i call dumb people who say stupid things on twitter? i’m glad you asked, i call them twittards — Peter Prins

When an Escalade backs up it should make a sound like bling, bling, bling, bling, bling — Peter Prins

When I’m not telling jokes I love to play guitar because I enjoy having two things in my life that make me no money — Peter Prins

when you master yourself you master the universe then you can call yourself He-Man — Peter Prins

when you’re young you ask HOW… HOW can i get rich, HOW can i get famous? and when you’re older you ask WHEN… WHEN am i going to get a vacation, WHEN am i going to get laid… again — Peter Prins

you are not a conveyance you are an elevator get over yourself — Peter Prins